The waves wrapped around her like a warm blanket

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Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Sunday, July 2, 2006

Monday, December 5, 2005

10:29AM - We will show the world we are better than this mess

"the rocket summer" - movie stars & super models


how come my life ain't like this movie?
i should try to look some more like that.
and maybe then i could be a movie star,
and maybe then you'd always laugh at my jokes.
'cause life would be just like this movie,
and i would never feel alone. In fact,
all the problems that i have would go away,
and i would forget how to feel sad.

'cause this silver screen that i'm looking at
is making me a little bored of my life 'cause
its not what i'm looking at,
'cause this has so much more of excitement,
thrills, and adventurous things in every life.
and a sparkle is the reflection in my eye.

ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba.
if only the shows were as real as the glows
then we'd never see the same,
but i guess we'll never know.
ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba.
well they showed it, and we bought it.
so you see it's not just me, its sweet - it's in the movie.

she wants a better body and some super model moves.
'cause in her head she's always been the ugly one.
well hey, we think we're ugly too.
and it's true that we will never know
all of the things that she could have known.
well i wonder when she thought it was that she would win?
'cause man she got so thin.

every now and then she would start to pretend like
she was a star and in the movies they're in.
but it's strange 'cause it seems
there's never happy endings.
is it make believe?


I looove The Rocket Summer :-) Its official.

Current mood: blah

Current music: Rocket Summer-DUH

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Tuesday, November 29, 2005

3:50PM

( Lookie Lookie )

Current mood: creative

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Saturday, September 24, 2005

11:57PM - the fire in her heart is out

the chatter in her mind is deafening
going back and forth
cutting deeper into her heart
the only thing she cares about
it tells her that she is worthless
that she will never be loved again
that all of the things they told her are true
she isnt pretty enough
she isnt all she should be
she just isnt enough
no one will ever really love her
at least not for the person she really is
the one that is behind the mask
hiding herself with laugher and fake smiles
waiting for the one who will see through it all

Current mood: down

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Tuesday, September 20, 2005

4:12PM

she is feeling a revival coming

the feeling of freedom is within reach

its presence can be felt which brings hope

breaking through the pain she has been feeling

the feelings of lonelines are going to cease

she can just feel it falling away

the things that once hindered her are fleeting

with each passing day he takes away a layer

a layer of self doubt

a layer of worthlessness

a layer of her fears

each layer leaves her feeling lighter

the shedding of this bondage is beautiful

it makes her feel lighter than air

slowly and steadily

allowing her true colors to shine through

Current mood: relief

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Friday, September 16, 2005

8:24PM - A deep hunger

Its consuming my thoughts
my intermost being
eating me from within
its the desire for expression
to relieve some of this emotion within

I am truely longing for some form or expression
a way in which i can release my tensions and frustrations
There isnt anywhere for them to go
so they lay with in me
wasting away.....

I really am missing art right now. Maybe thats why Im feeling a little sad right now. I really miss the feelings I get from creating somthing. I dont care what it is I just need to make somthing!!! I dont think I can survive without art. I love it. I dont think I realized how important it is to me. I talked to Renee about art the other day and I was surpised at how passionatly I feel about it. I didnt think I really felt "passionate" about anything I have always been scared that I didnt really have a "thing" that was for me.I think art is my thing that along with water polo :-) hehe I really hope i can teach that ceramics class at the summer youth college that would be amazing. I need to make a stencil or somthing. the weekends here stink. Its boring and everyone leaves :-( Tomorrow I think Im going to the beach though so thats a happy thing!!! hurray! Well tonight is a poetry thing and I would really like to read something but i dont know what :-/ Im really tired. I went to bed at like 2:30 last night oops! Well that is about all for now! Time to go....

Current mood: bored

Current music: chicago is so two years ago-Fall out Boy

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Monday, September 12, 2005

9:43AM - Tagged by Carla

Write 20 random facts about yourself, then tag the same amount of people as
minutes it takes you to write the facts.

1) I never seem to know what i want
2) I love to eat peanut butter jelly and pickle sandwiches
3) I enjoy creating abstract clay nude women
4) I really dislike scary movies
5) Its hard for me to show my emotions
6) I could have had two other siblings but my mom had two miscarriages
7) Somtimes I wish i could run away from everything and be a hobit
8) I love to write down my thoughts and be alone while doing so
9) I over analyze and over think just about everything
10) I am trying to take my own advice
11) I love talking to my aunt and spilling everything to her
12) I havent ever really had a job
13) It took me forever and a half to get my drivers license
14) I am a horrible speller
15) To sit by a stream or brook for an entire day is my dream
16) I would really like to do somthing with art, be a starving artist on my own for awhile
17) I walked on my tippy toes untill i was at least 8 or 9 (but it gave me good calfs-hehe)
18) If i dont do my homework when i go to bed its hard for me to sleep
19) I get stressed out when my room is messy
20) I wish i could be a photographer

I tag Felicity and Stephanie

Current mood: distressed

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Sunday, September 4, 2005

8:50PM

“No longer Picture Perfect”

The pain has been welling up within me
Unable to withhold it any longer I begin to leak
Slowly the tears fall from my eyes
Falling onto the note I hold in my hands
This note represents my greatest fears
The sorrow of loneliness
The pain I know I will see in your eyes
The sound of my heart breaking in two.

Laying in my bed feeling weaker than I ever have
I reach over for that book
Hoping and praying it will tell me I’m doing the right thing
Flipping threw the pages it opens to a verse
He knows what I am feeling
The tears of anguish which have drenched my pillow
It isn’t a mystery to Him for he knows all
Reassurance begins to flow threw me
Regaining my strength I lay my head down and pray
Lifting up my heart to the only one who will never let me down.

Current mood: sad

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Saturday, September 3, 2005

9:54PM

i am not: one to show too much emotion
i hurt: when people let me down
i love: Christ,friends,family
i hate: it when people chew w/their mouth open,feeling lonely
i fear: robbers & sharks & gators, rejection
i hope: my life will amount to all that God wants from it
i hear: my roommates computer
i crave: More christian friends an accountability partner
i regret: Not showing how much i care for people or how much god loves them
i cry: when i disapoint people, lose someone i love, grow apart from God
i care: about peoples problems deeply
i always: try to see the best in every situation
i long to: get back on track with god
i feel alone: when i dont think ne one cares
i listen: to thunderstorms, songs in my head
i hide: behind my smile and my thoughts in my journal
i drive: without wearing shoes but always wearing my seatbelt
i sing: in my head constatly, outloud when no one is listening
i dance: when im alone or worshiping
i write: whenever i can in my journal,this or xanga
i breathe: because im alive?
i play: with situations in my head
i miss: my closeness to God, Felicity
i search: for myself an acoutability parnter
i learn: life lessons from people everyday
i feel: confused
i know: that God loves me n so does my family
i say: what i really mean
i succeed: when God wants me to
i fail: my expectations
i dream: of being in Heaven and seeing my grandma, haveing someone hold me in their arms
i sleep: waiting for tomorrow
i wonder: if I will ever do anything with art
i want: to feel safe in someones arms
i worry: i will miss opprotunities
i have: lots on my mind
i give: too much of myself to people sometimes
i fight: for what i believe in
i wait: in Gods timing for the right guy to come along
i need: to figure out what i want
i am: someone who cares deeply about people,listens well and who is genuine
i think: too much somtimes
i can't help the fact that: im scatter brained,like green nail polish, eat PBJP sandwiches
i let: people know too much about me too soon

Current mood: confused

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Monday, August 29, 2005

10:02AM - They said go to school and be a college kid.....

I havent written anything on here in awhile. I kind of miss writting my thoughts down :-( Ok lets see if i can sum up my college experience thus far....

*The campus here is so pretty and we like to sit out front of the little Cafe and watch the "scenery" hehe ie the amazingly good looking guys here :-)

*I really like Katie we get along very well and I can acctually act like myself around her! We went driving to Panera Bread and on the way we scream at random people walking by its lots of fun

*I really like Meghan too she is so nice and she is my swim buddy :-) So she and I are going to try to go to the pool and gym at least a few times a week

*I met Stephanie who i originally met online and she acctually lives in the room next to mine-lol She is also very nice

*I have met alot of people but im still trying to find a "group" to hang with

*My roommate is very nice also we get along so i think it will be good

*My classes are good I think I like all of my professors.

*the food is decent somtimes better than others but they always have a salad bar so i will survive :-)

*I really miss Felicity :-(

*I went to orlando on Saturday for Katies surprise party that was fun and i thikn we are all gonna go to rock the universe i cant wait!!

*I really miss my doggie lexis but today i got a package with pictures of her so im happy about that

*Today I had a 8am class and I need to go do laundry and read a chapter in Speech

All in all college is going nicely I am just still adjusting its only really been a week so its all good. Well thats all

Oh and I met a nice boy yesterday well acctually i met him thursday b/c he is in my speech class he is very nice we went to lunch together so i hope to hang out with him some more and get people together to play NINTENDO!!! Woot Woot :-)

Current mood: my room is freezing

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Thursday, August 18, 2005

1:11PM - Tagged by Carla

This is a game of tag. You have to answer the questions below and then TAG six of your friends.

Set 1.
List 3 things that bug you - things that others may find trivial.

1: People that eat with their mouth open
2: When i have to share my food
3: when people touch the screen of my laptop!!!! grr

Set 2.
List 3 things that make chocolate even better.

1: stawberries
2: peanut butter :-)
3: when its chopped up and put into my java chip frapacino from starbucks :-) yummy

Set 3.
List 3 things you'd rather be doing than playing a game of LJ tag.

1: talking to felicity *tear i miss her*
2: makeing somthing out of clay like one of my nudes :-)
3: Playing with my girls from camp *tear i miss them*

I tag:

Felicity
um I dunno if I have ne other friends on here :-(
But if your reading this i tag YOU!

Current mood: nervous

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Wednesday, August 10, 2005

7:10PM - My new obsession...

( Hot Air Balloons are fun )

Current mood: artistic

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Monday, June 13, 2005

1:42PM - Crumbling into the Sea

She approached the water cautiously
The waves lapped at her feet
She felt the sand squish between her toes
The waves seemed to taunt her, calling out her name
She stepped out further into the dark ocean
The waves that seemed so small from shore now showed their might
She found her self surrounded by water on all sides
The waves tossed her it seemed without any amount of effort
She began to feel fearful of their power
The waves reassured her of her safety and called her out further
She followed their calls and found herself drifting out into the dark
The waves wrapped around her body like a warm blanket
She felt safe in their embrace as she disappeared into the night

Current mood: hopeful

Current music: some song stuck in my head

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Sunday, June 12, 2005

7:10PM - Sun burns and sea lice

The past week was pretty fun :-)
Wends
-Went shopping with Feliz saw Steph and Lindz there and we bumped into the guy steph likes-lol
-saw shorts that were "way too camp like" according to Feliz
-Then we went to Mizner to get coffee it was yummy
Thursday
-I worked with my aunt covering toilets with seran wrap
-I covered over 60 toilets
-I worked 11 hours :-)
Friday
-I cleaned my room (Kinda)
-I picked up Carla and took her to the mall to get her some PJs
-I bought the shorts that feliz said were "way too camp like"
-We went to carlas house where she was surprised by a surprise party
-We ate pizza, cake, went swimming in clothes that didnt fit us, played clue, video games and MANHUNT!!
-Manhunt was so much fun!!!
-Went home at like 2 was really tired
Saturday
-woke up late went to Chrissys grad party
-it was really fun we ate and went to teh beach
-We played TACKLE football and i hurt my neck
-Chrissy got hit in the eye when we were playing football n now she has a black eye :-/
-We went in the water and Zack tackeled me numerous times
-We did chicken fights that was fun Zack and i dominated :-) he is such a flirt
-I got a bruise on my knee and sea lice and I got stung by a jelly fish right under my butt *ouch*
-Then we went swimming and ate watermelon
-Then i went to babysit almost got lost on the way but i got $9 an hour really nice
Sunday
-went to church
-then i ate lunch n went shopping with Feliz n her friend

It has been a fun past few days:-)

Current mood: cheerful

Current music: dog barking

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Friday, May 20, 2005

3:16PM - As we go on we remember....

Tomorrow I Graduate from Boca High!!!! Today we had the senior breakfast with a slide show of pictures through out this year. It was sad :-( Tomorrow I am definitly gonna cry!!! I have to pack for the cruise me and FELIZ are going on its gonna be awesome! We are gonna take so many pics just like the ones we took yesterday at teh beach*wink* hehe that was fun. well gots lots to do!

Toodles

Current mood: nostalgic

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Saturday, May 14, 2005

Monday, April 25, 2005

5:28PM - It was as if the idle chatter deadened the sense of misery.

Im so emotionaly exhausted.
I have so many things going on in my mind!

As of now I think I am going to decline the job offer at Camp Boca because :
1)This is the last summer I have at home and with my family and Long View is somthing that makes us all close and Suzi and Rob would be really sad if I wasnt there
2)My girls at camp would be sad if I didnt go
3)I would be sad if I didnt go, I absolutly love it up there! It is the highlight of my year. I especially need it for the fact that Im going to college and I need somthing that is going to reasure me that its all going to be ok and by going there I get closer with God which is what I need right now.

So i have that on my mind. Its a difference of over $1000 dollars! I dont even know if i will be able to work at SOAR the camp at my church because i have waited so long :-(

Siiiiiigh

Today was so *UGH* but its ok now so hopefully it will stay that way.

GRAD NIGHT IS FRIDAY!!! YAY!!!

Current mood: exhausted

Current music: Be my Escape-Relient K

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